So school is putting on another production. A Midsummer Night’s Dream is open for years nine to thirteen, but I won’t be auditioning. Years ago, I dreamed of acting. To me being up on stage seemed like the best thing in the world, possibly because I never got any other attention. I loved to sing, and dance, and I felt no shame. Imagine then my horror, when upon entering secondary school I discovered that I had lost my love of playing the fool before others. I don’t know why it happened. All I know is that I became very shy in front of others, and just couldn’t bring myself to do anything unusual. I still haven’t got it back. I’m too self-conscious, too set in my ways. In school I have carved out for myself the role of the student; not outgoing, only lively in academics.
I haven’t lost my eye for what looks good, for how a scene may be laid out in order to create meaning, or symmetry. In many ways I would love to try my hand at directing. I know what is possible, I can act well enough to demonstrate what I’m trying to describe. I think that I could grow to love it very easily.
But I will never act again.