Yesterday was movie night for some reason (I think my dad forgets that I have exams) and as per my dad’s strange desire for us to watch all of the Pirates of the Caribbean films, we watched the second one.
I have several complaints.
Firstly, what is the point in a female character, if 50% of her lines are the name ‘Will’? I mean, the romance was crap in the first one, but at least then it kind of made sense, and didn’t actually take over the entire film. Film One, was more pirate that romance, which was if not great, enjoyable. Film Two, however, dialled up the romance, and down the pirates, which sort of defeats the point of it being a pirate film.

This leads me on to my next point: where were the sword fights? I wanted fancy footwork, and flashing blades, and maybe attractive men wielding said blades. I only got one of these, and it wasn’t anything to do with sword-fighting. And I’m not so sure about the one I did get, because God was that beard-y moustache-y thing horrible. I didn’t get much of a revival of my favourite music theme, and there was no fight at the end where everything comes together, and we solve the mystery, and I DIDN’T GET MY SWORD-FIGHT. I cannot emphasise this enough.

Next: are shirtless men and women who seduce men in order to get what they want really necessary? I have no huge desire to see Orlando Bloom’s bare chest, nor do I particularly want to see Keira Knightley kissing Johnny Depp so that she can handcuff him to a ship. I wanted pirates, and I did not get them. And it’s sweet and all that Will Turner wants to protect everyone he knows, but there is such a thing as being too god-damn noble, and he crossed that limit.

The comedy was good though, and I liked the heart. That’s about it.

Advertisements